Divorce: 10 Things I Learned
by Vicki Lansky
For anyone who hasn’t been divorced, trust me, divorce is never what you imagine it to be. Here are a few insights that may save you a trip to court, or at the very least, give you some idea of what may lie ahead. Everything listed here might not apply to everybody. There will always be exceptions to every rule, but it covers most of us.
1. It takes longer to get your divorce behind you than you think, or can allow yourself to believe. online divorce class Utah
I thought I had it together after a year. Then I thought I had it together after three years. Then I was impressed when I could say I had been divorced five years. Then I was devastated that I could be brought to tears in seconds after eight years when something inappropriate, I thought, was said to me. I guess it’s always “there,” but fortunately with each passing year it feels longer ago, less important and more comfortable. But unlike your child’s owies, it’s never quite all gone. As that old saying goes, marriage may not be forever, but divorce is.
2. Going through divorce is a physical experience.
This one took me by surprise. My body seemed to experience a death-defying whirlpool. I hate speed, roller coasters and the feeling of one’s stomach dropping when on a turbulent airplane ride. But I can remember having all those feelings — simultaneously — while just sitting in a chair after we separated. Yuck! Fortunately this usually passes in three to nine months. Shorter than #1, but not short enough!
3. It never works out according to plan — yours, that is!
And even when it does, it’s only for a short time. Life after divorce is always changing and you won’t have a lot of control over those changes. We often get hopelessly caught up in parenting plans when we first separate, and, while that is important, it doesn’t usually prepare you for the ongoing changes and negotiations that go on for years — changes that you don’t always like but learn to live with. There is the ongoing tradeoff of deciding which battles will catch your children in the middle, and figuring out when one must learn to lose a battle to win the war. Or should I say the peace — the peace of mind your children need. Life takes twists and turns that will never be in the “plan,” so you must learn to go with the flow or be hopelessly mired in your own anger or disappointments.